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I Carry Your Heart in My Heart: Family Constellations in Prison, by Dan Booth Cohen
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Family Constellations are unlike cognitive, behavioral, and interpersonal therapies in their origin, form, and purpose. Constellations succeed by diminishing the unconscious impulses that drive destructive behaviors. The process reaches the invisible clockworks of the mind and heart to reveal how individual problems nest within a larger tapestry shaped by ancestral family traumas. In a heartbeat, the patterns release, opening the mind to reverence for life and compassion for others. Problems that were frozen yield to new solutions. The prisoners in this book are serving long-term sentences for violent crimes, mostly life-without-the-possibility-of-parole for murder. They represent society's ultimate outcasts, personifying evil brought to justice. Sharing Family Constellations with them is actually a great privilege. These men have gone through ordeals that we can only imagine and have worked to find a way to their souls. Dan Booth Cohen spent 5 years leading monthly Systemic Family Constellation circles with these prisoners. This book tells stories of these experiences. It also includes rigorously researched chapters that describe Family Constellations' historic roots and underlying philosophy.
- Sales Rank: #1343916 in Books
- Published on: 2009-05-31
- Original language: English
- Dimensions: 8.66" h x .51" w x 5.43" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 159 pages
Review
In this gem of a book, we are invited to journey with Dan Booth Cohen and the volunteers inside the walls of Bay State Correctional Center in Massachusetts where we meet the men of the Growing Together III programme ... and ourselves. As the inmates' stories unfold, they draw us into subtly exploring our own self-made prison walls. /.../ Dan skilfully interweaves descriptions of individual constellations and inmate reflections to introduce basic elements of the constellation process and to illustrate many of Hellinger's foundational insights. Here, in a prison setting, we are left with a heightened awareness of such key principles as: inclusion and exclusion, guilt and innocence, and healing between victims and perpetrators. /.../ The book conveys emotional depth, clarity, and grace in this new addition to our constellation library. --Mark A. Johnson, The Knowing Field, Issue 15, January 2010
In this gem of a book, we are invited to journey with Dan Booth Cohen and the volunteers inside the walls of Bay State Correctional Center in Massachusetts where we meet the men of the Growing Together III programme ... and ourselves. As the inmates' stories unfold, they draw us into subtly exploring our own self-made prison walls. /.../ Dan skilfully interweaves descriptions of individual constellations and inmate reflections to introduce basic elements of the constellation process and to illustrate many of Hellinger's foundational insights. Here, in a prison setting, we are left with a heightened awareness of such key principles as: inclusion and exclusion, guilt and innocence, and healing between victims and perpetrators. /.../ The book conveys emotional depth, clarity, and grace in this new addition to our constellation library. --Mark A. Johnson, The Knowing Field, Issue 15, January 2010
About the Author
Dan Booth Cohen is a Systemic Constellation facilitator, trainer, and author. He holds a Ph.D. in Psychology from Saybrook Graduate School and Research Center in San Francisco, an MBA from Boston University, and a BA from Connecticut College. During a 30 year professional career, he has been a business owner, corporate executive, peace activist and counselor. Dr. Cohen has worked with Systemic Constellations since 2000. He trained with Bert Hellinger and other leading trainers through the Hellinger Institute, USA. He was the liaision between Hellinger and Elias Jabbour's House of Hope International Peace Center in Israel.
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
There's no other book like this and nobody else doing exactly this work.
By Cali W.
This short but beautiful book, based on the author's doctoral thesis and five years' work in prison with the worst non-death-row criminals, combines two areas of study and practice still new to the culture. The first half of the book relays the personal experiences of the prisoners involved. The second half more analytically describes, contrasts, and places this totally outside-the-box work historically and phenomenologically in the context of mainstream psychotherapy - without polarizing.
Family Constellations is a therapeutic practice accessing multi-generational traumatic patterns from a "field" of greater knowledge, rather than sourcing through people's words and mental processes. Individuals carry or hold these larger, heavy patterns without knowing it and this work mysteriously releases them. There's more to it than that but you'll find a good explanation in the first pages, or just google family constellations or Bert Hellinger.
The other category I think this work falls under, although I don't think the term is ever used nor does the author explicitly make the connection, is Restorative Justice. This is an umbrella comprising among other things bringing perpetrators to a point of accepting responsibility for their crimes so that reparation and restoration may be made to victims who are open to that. In the process, individuals, families, and communities can be restored. Judging from the words and stories of the prisoners themselves, they have been transformed at a profound, almost soul level. It's surprising how disturbed at themselves and aware and penitent and humble and sorry they are. I can imagine this would be a great tool for people working in Restorative Justice.
A by-product of this work is a feeling of deep compassion for all humans, including these prisoners whose traumas erupted in violence, crime, harm or death to another. The fact that people beyond the pale of society but not so far really from you and me can accept the consequences of their actions, feel deep remorse and shame (and presumably willingness to reach out to their victims, though that is beyond the scope of this book) is incredible. Who among us hasn't suffered trauma we buried, who hasn't erupted in rage or done something stupid? I do not presume to downplay or comment at all on what a rape victim or family of a murdered person should feel or choose to do because that's a subject I have no say on, and neither does the author. But it does help me feel compassion where I was the victim of a lesser wrongdoing that inflicted great pain, just seeing the humanity of a murderer.
Which brings me to one last thing. I have read a lot on forgiveness in the past several years and I have never seen the like of the thoughts expressed on that subject by this author. In a couple of paragraphs somewhere in the middle of the book (which I can't look up because I lent the book out) he combines acknowledgment of what happened, its permanence and reach through time, full accountability and ownership of the crime by the perpetrator, and a sort of cosmic acceptance of what is that seems to encompass but go beyond the Buddhist notion of forgiveness as an inner job for the victim... it's refreshing and it feels right. When I was hurt, those ultra-spiritual definitions of forgiveness did nothing for me and I'm not a shallow person. The idea of forgiveness I found here doesn't talk about victims at all, but I think it would help victims of serious crime to get to the ultimate level of forgiveness a lot faster than anything else I've heard.
I am starting to learn this technique. I'm thinking about how I might take it out to the world...
A really inspiring and important book.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
An Important Introduction
By Michael Reddy
FROM THE BOOK "...our hearts hold ancestral memories of unbearable loss and immense suffering. They also recall, whole and undiminished, the feeling of unconditional love and pure joy that is the birthright of every blessed baby born."
Short paragraphs below on: WHY THE BOOK'S VALUABLE; CASE STUDIES AND EXPLANATIONS; ROOTS AND INFLUENCES; and WHO WILL GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS BOOK?
WHY IT'S VALUABLE--"I Carry Your Heart in My Heart" ranks among the best attempts to introduce and explore a radical new truth. Family constellation work is both very important and difficult to explain. There's a paradigm shift involved. We are not simply present-tense individuals. What we are includes loyalties engendered in us by a timeless family system spread across generations. Powerful explanations and behavioral tools will quite possibly elude us so long as we hold to the "individualist" fiction.
Cohen has the mind of an incisive and very well-read scholar, coupled with evocative verbal skills worthy of a poet. It's a rare combination that makes the book quite powerful--both intellectually and emotionally. Also, he's writing in English, whereas many constellation books are translations from German. Although I do have a couple of caveats, on the whole, as someone beginning to practice the work--I find myself recommending "I Carry Your Heart in my Heart" regularly.
CASE STUDIES AND EXPLANATIONS--I would not call Part One of the book a linear, or "textbook" exposition of the subject. For that, you might turn to Jakob Robert Schneider's Family Constellations. Basic Principles and Procedures. Instead, in Part One, "Case Studies and Lessons Learned," framed by the narrative of constellations done with lifelong prison inmates--Cohen explains elements of the work as they arise. He elucidates most clearly the perpetrator-victim dynamic, which creates familial bonds even when genetics are not involved. Notable for me is his overarching vision of human reality as an interplay between "Life" (the raw thrust of blood, genes, and survival) and "the System" ("the ever-shifting container concerned with keeping its elements connected and aligned," in Cohen's words). Also, there is frank discussion here about the kinds of impacts some constellations have on some people--are they ready for what they experience? How can they be supported? Part One stands out in general as a strong, if implicit, argument for the value of restorative justice.
ROOTS AND INFLUENCES--Part Two of the book, "The Constellation Process," is invaluable for anyone trying to place this work in the larger contexts of psychology, modern science, philosophy, and ancient wisdoms. Chapter 8, "Why Constellations are Difficult to Explain or Comprehend," lays out in great detail all the ways in which the work flies in the face of our prevailing, disconnected, materialist, reductionist worldview. Then, the various influences on Hellinger (the orginator), roots and similarities found in various streams of historical thought, and modern research that supports paradigms more cordial to what happens in constellation work--all these are delineated. The list of references at the end numbers around 230, which gives you some idea of the scope here. What are "soul," "brain," and "mind" as seen both normally and through the lens of constellation work? The last two chapters delve quite deeply into these questions.
WHO WILL GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS?--While much of this book immediately accessible, parts of it are intellectually challenging. There are places where it reads somewhat like an abstract. Insights or parallels that could be explained for pages are at times compressed into a paragraph. Or there will be an intriguing and tantalizingly brief generalization followed by reference or two. On the one hand, this is good. It keeps the book short, the coverage broad, and pulls you into the vast bibliography. On the other, longer aids to understanding are not present. If you are interested in constellation work purely for reasons of your own emotional healing, you might start with John Payne's The Language of the Soul: Healing with Words of Truth (Trans-Generational Healing & Family Constellations series), or Gabriele ten Hovel's interview with Hellinger in Acknowledging What Is: Conversations With Bert Hellinger--and come back to this later. On the other hand, if you are a professional, or are interested in restorative justice, or you really want to place constellation work in the framework of evolving human knowledge--this is definitely a pivotal read.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Dan Cohen's work with lifers is amazing. The revelations from inmates and to inmates about ...
By Chris C.
Having volunteered in prisons for over a decade and also having recently discovered the family constellation process, I was eager to read the book. Dan Cohen's work with lifers is amazing. The revelations from inmates and to inmates about how to help heal themselves and the world around them, even as they remain incarcerated, are very moving. The first half of the book recalls a series of constellations involving inmates. That is the most readable and revealing part. The last half is more about theories of psychology and philosophy and spirituality that might explain the power of the family constellation process. That section (drawn clearly from the Ph.D. dissertation this work came from) could be less accessible or interesting to some. I do participate now in family constellations with more breadth of understanding and confidence having read this book.
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